Category Archive

This question is not simply limited to a church service. It could apply to a presentation, a board meeting, or any situation in which a silent audience is expected. In such an event, how do you open the plastic wrapper on a peppermint, for example, without causing undue distraction? I see at least four options:

1. Gradually unfurl the wrapper, timing each crinkle to match times of greater volume in the speaker’s presentation.
2. Cough very forcefully and loosen the wrapper all in one motion. You will draw attention to yourself, but it will be directed away from your fumbling hands and may even be mingled with some momentary pity.
3. Bank all your hope on the fleeting short-term memory of those around you and get it over with as quickly as you can.
4. Petition candy companies to wrap their products in cloth.

Which do you prefer? Do you have any other ideas?

I’m on the hunt for the strangest school mascot. The ones I had growing up were pretty normal: the Rockets, the Braves, and the Yellow Jackets. I will say, however, that there was a middle school in my district called Possum Middle School. Their mascot was an eagle. Possum Eagles. Go figure.

What were your mascots?

1. An organ transplant
2. Arriving at your gate after the plane took off
3. Turning in an application after the deadline
4. CPR
5. An anniversary card
6. Running out of gas and then thinking about re-feuling
7. A high-competition job interview
8. Doing the speed limit after being clocked at 20 over
9. Drinking expired milk
10. Depositing money after bouncing a check

In each of these situations, it seems, “better late than never” won’t work because late is never.

Can you think of any others?

There are some things you understood better when you were younger. Things like the privileges of adulthood, employment, schooling, marriage, parenting, etc. Or at least you understood aspects of those things better, mainly because you were on the outside looking in. Everything was magical. It was all behind a glass door and locked tight.

After becoming an adult, an employee, a student, a spouse, a parent, etc., it’s important to access those younger insights so that you don’t become unimpressed by the glories of life in God’s universe. You know. Just kinda being used to the way things are. You need to remember how spectacular your situation is.

You can access these insights in two ways:

1. Personal relics

These would include things like journals, pictures, home videos, or memories. The only downside to these is that you can’t interact with them and ask them questions. They don’t respond. They just exist as carryovers from a day long gone.

2. Other people in anticipatory situations

What I mean by this is people who are now in a state of life you used to be in. A child. An unmarried friend. A childless couple. They aren’t you, granted, but you can interact with them and ask them questions. You can hear the thrill in their voice as they talk about looking forward to where you are now.

Ideally, you can use both of these approaches so that each one’s deficits are supplemented. The point of it all is to make you remember that your current state is not as ho-hum as it sometimes appears.

After all, you once knew better.

What’s the best way to respond when you’re talking with someone and they’re telling you a story you know they’ve told you before?

If a church truly welcomes everyone, does it really need a sign that says so?

For example, I like grilled cheese sandwiches. My wife can eat them, but wouldn’t request them on a menu. I think my persuasive powers would be at least quadrupled if, instead of saying I would really like grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, I said, “Fifty percent of our family would like to eat grilled cheese tonight.”

Thankfully, God gave me a wife who doesn’t require me to employ statistical manipulation when lobbying for cuisine. Thank you, honey.

I’ve come to the conclusion that at least 80% of our social blunders are caused, not by forgetting things, but by remembering them at the wrong time:

You approach that guy you met at that New Year’s get-together, and you totally blank on his name. Someone tells you afterward. “Of course!” you say. Case in point.

Your uncle was born November 12. You remember on November 14. Hello Belated Birthday Card aisle.

That presentation you were supposed to give? It all comes back in living color when your boss calls you from the conference room wondering why he and ten other executives are staring at a blank screen.

The moral of the story: Don’t just learn information (names, birthdays, appointments). Incorporate triggers into your life that will help you access that information when you need to. That way, you won’t just remember…you’ll remember at the right time.

In defense of a threatened oak grove at the University of California, Berkeley, protesters have inhabited the endangered trees for 18 months now. They intend to forestall the construction of a multi-million dollar athletic training facility.

Not quite Simeonesque, but you have to give it to them for tenacity.

My wife has been telling me about one of her favorite cartoons for some time now. It’s a 1956 Disney short called “In the Bag.” Well, last night she finally got me to watch it. I’ll admit. It’s pretty cute. It offers visual commentary on park conservation, workplace management, and survival of the fittest — all in one 7.5 minute span. Smokey the Bear even makes a guest appearance! Add to the mix suspense, peril, and a blazing swing choreography, and we’ve got a clip that’s a hit for all ages. Enjoy:

This time of year, our neighborhood is teeming with ice cream trucks. Each one playing a different song. Each one pawning its chilly wares. I have wondered on more than one occasion how the drivers maintain their sanity. I think hearing 800 tin-can repetitions of “It’s a Small World After All” during the course of the day would just about do me in. But that’s just me.

How about you? What are some less-than-appealing jobs you have either had or heard of?

Reading this story in World Magazine (June 14/21) reminded me of Abraham Piper’s tireless bout with his buck-toothed antagonists:

“Curators at a popular open-air museum in Helsinki, Finland, have asked patrons to stop feeding the squirrels. The rodents, they say, are now eating away at the display houses, barns, and cottages that make up the outdoor museum of traditional Finnish culture. ‘Squirrels run into the buildings through open doors, they nibble on the museum textiles and make holes in the walls,’ museum conservator Risto Holopainen told the AFP news service. Holopainen said the squirrels come for food handed out by people visiting the 87-building museum, but stay for gnawing on roofing tiles and other parts of the structures.” (pg. 17)

Minneapolis…Helsinki…what’s next? If someone suggested the bushy bandits were bent on worldwide domination, I wouldn’t bat an eye.

Consider the following birthday e-card message from hallmark.com:

It’s all about gifts. It’s all about cake. It’s all about wondering what wishes to make.
Happy All-About-YOU day!

Now here’s another birthday e-card message, this time from a Christian company:

God has placed his hand on your shoulder and said, “You’re something special.”
He’s not the only one who thinks you’re special!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Here’s my question. If you remove God from the second message, is it really saying anything different from the first?

Consider the following story from the May 3/10 edition of World Magazine:

Tiny Bandits

It wasn’t moth or rust, but something destroyed Dwarika Prasad’s life savings. Turns out, it was termites that infested his bank’s safe deposit box and ate through the paper money and investment notes the Northeast Indian man planned to use for his retirement. In all, Prasad lost more than $16,000 - a sum he’ll likely have trouble getting back from his bank. Authorities at the Central Bank of India say they aren’t responsible, noting they did their job of keeping his belongings safe from human threats.